Things You’d Love To Say Out Loud At Work

• I don’t work here – I’m a consultant
• How about never? Is never good for you?
• I’m really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.
• I’m out of my mind at the moment, but feel free to leave a message
• It sounds like English, but I don’t understand a word you’re saying
• Can I trade this job for what’s behind door number one?
• Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
• I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.
• I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
• Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
• It I throw a stick, will you leave?
• Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
• Nice perfume, but must you marinate in it?
• Chaos, panic and disorder - my work here is finally done.
• How do I set a laser printer to kill?
• I’ll try being nicer if you try being smarter.
• I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary.
• I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.
• Ahhh, I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.
• I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet its hard to pronounce.