When it’s time to take the boss less seriously....

The relationship with your boss can be complicated, leaving it open to plenty of misunderstandings and misinterpretations. Don’t fall into the trap of taking things personally at the workplace. If you do, you end up forging an uneasy relationship that’s bound to unravel.

Here are two common ways we personalise interactions with the boss, and how we need to reinterpret the situations:

• My manager’s out to get me.
  There are more than a few managers who can stand to brush up on their interpersonal skills. But a manager who lacks tact isn’t usually out to get anyone. If anything, he or she gives each charge equal doses of rudeness. But if you take it personally every time a manager blows up, you’ll simply end up fearful and angry and may even end up saying something you’ll regret later. Instead, concentrate on the meaning and content of a manager’s words, rather than his or her delivery.
  You may discover that there’s pressure companywide to do things differently and that you have to make adjustments and be proactive. Taking the initiative, for example, to schedule regular, short feedback meetings with your boss help you to keep on top of expectations - and to feel more in control, rather than the victim of a vengeful manager.
  
• My manager let me down.
  Say you’re lucky enough to have a boss who’s supportive, encouraging, and available. You still need to remember that managers have limitations. When the situation in the workplace changes (as can often be the case in these challenging times), they may not be as available as they were before. If they seem to have let you down because they’re not giving you the kind of support you’ve come to expect, it would be unfair to automatically say that it’s because they no longer care.
  Now it’s time for you to step up to the plate. Evaluate your own job performance and get a sense of what you need to do in the new, changing environment. Take responsibility for your self-motivation and approval. And if you can’t get feedback from your own manager, consider if there is someone else who can serve as a teacher and evaluator.

Adapted from Winning at Work, by Mel Sandler and Muriel Gray (Davies-Black)